Freak out

So I start to think, "Am I delusional?". Perhaps I am. I want the world to be a certain way that it certainly isn't. Here I am, stoned again. Is it because my mom died? Am I just faking my way into depression, by thinking that I was just having a good time? Just relieving stress. That's all it is. But you know that's a hell of a lot of stress for someone your age. You just don't want to admit it. But then you don't know which you that you are. The paranoia sets in and you can't even comprehend the simplest things. That you've got all you really need. Happiness doesn't come from behind a desk. Unless it does. That's dependent on your personality. What values you have. What matters the most. To you.

So many things that I want to face, but the facts are difficult. I am talented. I am smart. But do how I get where I want to go? How will I use my talent? Will it just be something I dream of? Or will I do it?

I'm left here, but I'm right here. Just another little paranoid schizophrenic.